So tonight my mind is on what are my true fears. Some people are afraid spiders,hieghts,or even ninjas. I'm not afraid of those things. I'm not even afraid of the dark. I guess most people aren't afraid of those things. It's cliche to think men are afraid of commitment,which is true a lot of the time. Then there is the fear of death. I can honestly say that I'm not afraid to die. In fact I would see it as a blessing most of the time. I know that will freak out my family. So know I don't want end it myself.
I guess to me death would be end of my real fear. The future is my true fear. Its what makes me afraid to commit in a relationship. I keeps me afraid to promise others anything. But the most damaging symptom of this fear is it stops me from acting. When I say acting I mean doing things like school work, job hunting and sometimes eating. In a normal day the fear really only shows through my undicisiveness. on tyose days where my anxiety is present its hard for me concentrate on school. The days wheremy anxiety is high I can't even get out of bed. I know where it comes from but that is not what is important. The important thing for me is learn to push through the anxiety and fear. That is how I will overcome my fear of the unknown.
The good news is that I know what my real fear is and I have come a long way already. Tye even better news is that Jesus is on my side. So like I said before the only cure is to move foward and hope for the best even if my hope isn't much.
Amen! This is how I felt for a long time...but I guess really having faith and trust in God includes not fearing the future...not because we are prepared, but because you have peace that you do your part and God does the rest and if it means you end of living in a van down by the river (or McPhereson Square--I think you know this story)...if that is what it takes to live with God again...then praise God...this is what Claude has taught me...but I still worry...anyway..where are you...waiting for a new post!
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