Sunday, February 27, 2011

Ode to Odes

I have been listing to music for the past couple of hours. Just laying in bed imagining my heart being lifted by the sound wave of the melodies. My heart is heavy right now and requires powerful music. I often isolate my self with the world to allow attachments to the notes of the melody to carry me through each day. As time goes by I needed better ways to allow for the seclusion. Now I have headphones that do the job. Many people try to call to get my attention but with these sweet headphones my world is only me, the lyrics and the melodies. Music is always there to console me. It doesn't judge me. Music is always there when I ask it to be. It does flee in my most difficult times, in fact, it is the most present. That's why music is my best friend.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Barefoot but not Painless

Time: Unsure
Pace: 8:45
Distance: about 5 mi
Type: Outside Barefoot
Mood Before: Angry
Mood After: Tired
Artist: Heartless Bastards
Album: The Mountain

So this was the longest I have ever run barefoot. My calfs are witness to it. My left calf started to hurt within the first mile... that was weird. I forgot to push resume after waiting for a turn to cross the street. So my trusty iPhone didn't help me out with the stats this time... user error. I wish I had good insightful things that I thought about during my run, but I don't . I was mostly recognizing the pain in my legs. My legs tired a little to quickly, but running barefoot can do that. However the main reason I didn't think about anything deep is that I had a difficult weekend and then that was followed by a difficult session with my therapist. I snapped at her, I was frustrated with some of the things she was discussing. When she started comparing my possibly life long trail she compared it to school I snapped. I became too frustrated to sit quietly. I may have been too harsh. Then the day before I had a emotional breakdown at church in front of the congregation. My seat put me in good view of all and my sniffling was easily heard. If anyone in my ward read this, sorry. Any way I am so fed up with convincing myself everyday life is worth it. Now after my public water work display and taking my frustration out on my counselor I didn't want to think about anything related to emotion. So I thought about how cool it would be to have Matt Damon or Brad Pitt's body by the MCAT. However with my fat percentage of 20 it is near impossible or better stated improbable. So then I thought how cool would it be if my arms gained another inch and my fat percentage decreased into the healthy range. Since I am taking the MCAT in Michigan I thought it would be cool to be able to bench press my sister... or my brother in law. I'm sure they wouldn't go for it. So after day dreaming about how cool it would be to have a good physique my run ended So today my thoughts were turned vain. Oh well...

Sunday, February 6, 2011

A Focus to inspire me to blog more...

So I know I haven't been blogging much lately but I want to change that. I also want to be more regular about my running. So I decided to make my blog more of a running blog. I'm excited to start this. My runs are the time when I meditate the most. Running is for me is a major stress reliever and I use is to medicate my depression. My runs warrant some of the best meditating I ever do. So starting tomorrow I plan on starting telling the world... or those who happen to read my blog about my run. I'll start with the stats of my run then move on to good stuff. I'll talk about the things I thought about during my run and insights I gain. I hope you guys enjoy, and hopefully I'll be consistent. So check back tomorrow to see my stats, read my thoughts or don't.