Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A Bet Worth Losing

So last night after a somewhat intense study session with my friend in the library. I was approached by a girl asking me to kiss her. Wow! Before you think that I have such a power over girls I just want to refute that. I probably have the opposite effect. Any way she was trying to win a bet that she would kiss someone by the end of the semester. It was almost her midnight deadline. People who know me know that I have a hard time saying no when people ask me for things. So I debated with her and discussed the minimum requirement for her bet to be fulfilled.

Although I have a hard time saying no. I declined the offer. I felt so bad because I could tell that she feeling bad about herself for not being able to fulfill this bet. So when told her my decision I added that she shouldn't let this bet affect her self worth. I felt bad that I didn't let her give me a peck on the lips, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm no the NICMO kind of guy. I know too many people, mostly girls, judge themselves on how many dates, boyfriends, or kisses they have had. Outside the church a lot of girls and guys lack self worth so they become sluts. That is horrible because every person on this earth is worth more than that.

I just hope that this girl learns for herself that even though she lost the bet she is still worth a lot to many people. One day she will find someone who will kiss her for more than a fulfillment of a bet but because he cares so much about her. I just hope that she didn't let her self worth depend on this silly bet and realizes that she deserves more than a random kiss from some guy.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Mat Kearney and The Script!

So last weekend I went to Vegas to visit some good friends and we went to this thing for people to show off their pets. There were mostly dogs. The also had live music. Wow was that music a treat. I got to see the Script and Mat Kearney. I didn't know there music too well but I was so impressed that I purchased their albums that night. I am so glad I did. I especially like Mat Kearney. So here are some pictures from the show.

The Script

Mat Kearney

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

These Feelings Won't Go Away, They've Been Knockin' My Sideways

So tonight I'm pretty depressed:( Ever since the whole Bryce thing I haven't been able stay out of this depressed state. I did have a day where I felt so good because I felt so liberated. However I have to see him every day and am reminded of how he has hurt me. I'm so lonely tonight and just want to be with someone, but of coarse I'm not going to get what I want. I know that things could be so much worse for me right now. I am trying to stay focused on that right now.

I currently live in a place that is so very nice. I love it and I have to move in the fall because I didn't sign the contract in time. Even though the contract doesn't even start till the end of August. It is so stupid the way they do it here in Provo. Any way I signed a contract for another unit in the complex and I think its a mistake. I went and looked at it and it was not even close to being as good as where I am now. Also I would be moving in with guys that have been living there for a while. I do not like that idea at all. I want to make the place nice but I don't know if the current tenants would let me change things. I'm hoping that one of the guys that signed to live my current apartment will back out so I can stay right here. I would love that so much.

I guess I'm to emotional right now to even think clearly. My depressed state makes my vision focus on only the stress. Just when I thought I was on my way from recovery I realize that I haven't even changed. I am the same ultra depressed person I was a year ago. I don't know the answers and am getting tired of searching for them. The only thing I know is that I have to remember who I'm living for and its for my family. It is because of my family that I am still here. My family has been so supportive. I just feel like that they are helping me fight a hopeless war. I have dreams and I work hard but the smallest thing throws me off coarse. I have to get back on. But the question is how the hell will I do it again.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Heart vs. Mind

So tonight I'm blogging while I'm watching scrubs with the sound of rain in the background. Man do I love scrubs! So moving on from scrubs. I saw an old mission buddy today. We talked a lot about politics. We didn't agree to many times. Although we didn't see eye to eye, our discussion was based on logic. He refrained from using the Mormon trump card and personal attacks. I hate when people imply or even say that I am on my way to apostasy. Seriously how can you think political views are doctrine.

Any way he said something really interesting. He said that he hated how liberals used emotion to convince others. I never really thought of it like that. His point made a lot of sense. I thought about it more as the day went on. I came to the conclusion that it just doesn't apply to liberals it also applied to conservatives. Abortion is the best example. Many pro life activists use horrible pictures to play with peoples emotions to say others. Another example is the Iraq war, many who strongly support the war. Talk about the humanitarian aid and government structure we are providing in Iraq.

As I thought about it my friends theory longer. I realized that emotion is good when making decisions. The problem is not that emotion is involved in a decision, the problem is when one only uses emotion in a decision. When we only act with our emotions completely we do not use logic and often make poor decisions. I also think that if we void our decisions of emotion we are also at high risk of making a poor decision. Without emotion we loose our human nature. We loose compassion.

I can't help but think that our purpose here on earth is to learn how to make the best decisions. Christ was so compassionate towards others because he had emotion. His emotion affected his decisions. Shouldn't we trust our emotions as well. However Jesus also used his logic just as often. Our emotions are what make us human. Is it really that bad to void our decisions of simple humanity? I don't think so. We need to use our compassion to help others and our logic to decide on the best way we can help.