Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Spend all your time waiting For that second chance For a break that would make it okay There's always one reason To feel not good enough And it's hard at the end of the dayI need some distraction Oh beautiful release Memory seeps from my veins Let me be emptyAnd weightless and maybeI'll find some peace tonight In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fearYou are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverieYou're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there So tired of the straight line And everywhere you turn There's vultures and thieves at your back And the storm keeps on twisting You keep on building the lie That you make up for all that you lack It don't make no difference Escaping one last time It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees In the arms of an angel Fly away from here From this dark cold hotel room And the endlessness that you fearYou are pulled from the wreckage Of your silent reverieYou're in the arms of the angel May you find some comfort there You're in the arms of the Angel May you find some comfort here
Monday, May 4, 2009
About a one and half years ago my dreams started to be so emotionally draining that I never slept well at night. My dreams were so frustrating for me that when I woke in the morning I would be depressed and frustrated. Luckily my nightmares are not so frequent anymore.
Now I have gone back to old ways. Color has left my sleep and only see different shades of gray. I don't always die in my dreams anymore. When I do die in my dreams it isn't another person who does the killing, its me.
Maybe it was me all along killing myself. Who knows. What I do know is I have to keep my dreams as dreams and not let them become reality. That is a daunting task.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Today the event that brought this hatred from depths of my prefrontal cortex to my hippocampus was because of Church. Church is where cliches seem to bother me the most. Although I heard cliche after cliche, I did enjoy the meeting.
The problem with cliches in this case is that they are phrases used to represent an emotion associated with a belief. The problem with such phrases in not the intent, it is that the phrase looses its impact the more it is used. When someone bears their heart to me using too many cliche phrases it feels like that person isn't really bearing their heart. Although the person maybe betraying their true feelings, the emotional impact of the their words become empty.
In the church cliches seem to be so prevalent and have some theories as to why. I think that that the church has adopted the a social normality that seemed to be prevalent during the height of the cold war. During the cold war the worst name you could call another wasn't a bitch, fag, or bastard. In fact it was the c word, a communist. Many Americans were accused of being communists just by being different. Fear entered the hearts of many Americans and so Americans became more and more similar. In the church many are called in active, less active, or apostate for being different. Those names or implications have similar effects on members of the church. A good example is a member's attire during a service. If a man has any of the following some may question his testimony in the gospel: long, trendy, or facial hair, or color on his shirt. For women people question her loyalty to the gospel because she is dresses trendy. The trend that is not accepted in our chapel is for women to where pant suits. Looking different than others provoke thoughts and feelings that the person's testimony may not be genuine. So just like in cold war days members of the church become less and less original. So cliche phrases enter the Mormon culture.
This push to be the same has everyone else has been in existence ever since the first human walked the earth and does have its place. I guess I just hate when people leave their individuality out when expressing emtions. So when I hear someone using overused phrases I have a hard time connecting with that person even though I may be able to connect to emotion or belief being betrayed. I only see the emotion not the person with the emotion. Individuality is so important otherwise God wouldn't have made us so different.
Even though I hate cliches like that stupid heart shape. Seriously a heart doesn't look like some person's ass or a women's chest. It looks so much cooler than that. Any way as I was saying, even though I hate cliches I understand why they are here and try not to judge other's based on their use of cliches but please everyone bring your individuality. I want to connect with you not relate to a cliche.