Sunday, August 16, 2009

Maybe Take My Shoe Laces and Belt Away

So even though I moved out early, due to extreme conflict with a roommate, I had a great weekend. I got to spend some time with friends and it was great. I talked to my Mom, which is always good. I find myself wishing I could bleed out these feelings. I don't know why my mind thinks if I bleed I'll feel better. Maybe its not feeling better just feeling different.
I watched the Best Two Years and my depression revisited me when I saw the Elder depressed. I feel like I don't have a purpose any more. I know the generic and general purpose. But what is Mark's purpose. How am I going to make this world better? I don't even know why I die anymore? The only reason I keep going is because I don't want to disappoint my family and good friends. This will keep me going for now but will keep me going on when that isn't enough? I have to figure it out... SOON. However maybe I'll get lucky and I won't wake up in the morning. Yes its seems bad but waking up to this life isn't any better. So good night... hopefully for good.