Winding In and Winding Out, the Shine of it Has Caught My Eye

The 'It gets better' video was released over a week ago now.  I was shocked at the response.  It went viral here in Utah.  The out pouring of love and support has been great and even over whelming at times.  I am glad that I went way out of my comfort zone and participated.  Not because of all love and compassion that has been directed in my way, but because my mormon community needs a reality check.

The pain that I have experience and continue to experience is horrific.  Thankfully the frequency has decreased.  However as time goes on my desire and energy it takes to make it through decrease and thus making the episodes more intense.  So I still can't say it gets better, but I can say that it can get better.  Unfortunately the "getting better" is not entirely in my control.  This trial and error process of learning to properly handle my emotion and pain is long and strenuous.  Like I've said in the past and continue to say, I can not promise a natural death.

To give you a little more hope, I am working hard to make it better for myself.  I think that my family and previous therapist can confirm my efforts.  It bugs me that I still have intense depressive episodes.  Especially after the out pouring of love I have been receiving.  I have some theories as to why, but another post.

So to those people who have fire-hosed me with compassion and love, thank you.  I want to make things better for everyone and especially the mormon LGBT community.  Although, the painful experience have helped me become a better person, I want to lesson the burden on the future gays.  There will always be something new to that creates the same pain, but knowing that I can help prevent that pain due to homosexuality gives me energy to work harder at dying from natural causes.

Title: Song-Vindicated; Artist-Dashboard Confessional