To Hell with Shoes!

So today I ran the Rex Lee 10k... barefoot. I was nervous because I had never run that far barefoot. My final time was 46:49. I listened to the playlist I titled "To Hell with Shoes." I felt it was appropriate. The playlist included some of my favorites from the Black Keys, Dashboard Confessional, Nelly, Jay-Z and others. I also included a few great catchy pop songs like "My life would suck with you," and "Stop and Stare." I know most runners say your not a real runner if you listen to music but I say nothing just give an unmistakable hand gesture. For me music is an important part of running, just like with any other aspect in my life. Music is my mentor, comfort, support and everything else I may lack.

I wanted to get 45 minutes but thought that was unrealistic. So I changed my goal to under an hour... or at least that's what I told people. My new goal only increased 5 minutes. I wanted to under 50. Good news... I did it. Of coarse I got frustrated with myself because I could have pushed harder. I am not sore now, nor did I through up after the race. So I could have done better. So now I am working on convincing myself that I should be proud of my time. I don't have the talent or running experience as most of the winners.

Next race... I don't know the only one I'm signed up for is the Utah Valley Marathon. However I will be doing the Freedom run. Maybe this time I will place in my division, but really I just hope to get top 10. I was only 2 spots away. Hopefully I will get a medal again like last year... it makes me feel like a winner.

My Language of Love

So my sister just left and is back with her family. Now I have the post family blues. Oh well... One of the chats we had was about the languages of love. I took the test just now and found out for me its quality time. That was no surprise to me. I really enjoyed my time with Rebecca. I tried new dishes she cooked, went skiing/snowboarding, played the bells on campus, went to the temple and other mormon activities. I didn't really care what we did as long as we were spending time together. I think the reason quality time is my language of love because I come from a big family. When I was first born I received so much one on one attention. I was the first boy of six girls! Then things had to change because I had to learn to do things for my self... like walk. My mom would spank my sisters if they picked me up. In a big family its hard to for a parent to give one on one time. So maybe thats why I developed this language. I guess it could be genetics too. Who knows but its nice to know. Now I need to try to understand other friends language of love so I can recognize when they express it and how I should express my love for them.

Ode to Odes

I have been listing to music for the past couple of hours. Just laying in bed imagining my heart being lifted by the sound wave of the melodies. My heart is heavy right now and requires powerful music. I often isolate my self with the world to allow attachments to the notes of the melody to carry me through each day. As time goes by I needed better ways to allow for the seclusion. Now I have headphones that do the job. Many people try to call to get my attention but with these sweet headphones my world is only me, the lyrics and the melodies. Music is always there to console me. It doesn't judge me. Music is always there when I ask it to be. It does flee in my most difficult times, in fact, it is the most present. That's why music is my best friend.

Barefoot but not Painless

Time: Unsure
Pace: 8:45
Distance: about 5 mi
Type: Outside Barefoot
Mood Before: Angry
Mood After: Tired
iPod:
Artist: Heartless Bastards
Album: The Mountain


So this was the longest I have ever run barefoot. My calfs are witness to it. My left calf started to hurt within the first mile... that was weird. I forgot to push resume after waiting for a turn to cross the street. So my trusty iPhone didn't help me out with the stats this time... user error. I wish I had good insightful things that I thought about during my run, but I don't . I was mostly recognizing the pain in my legs. My legs tired a little to quickly, but running barefoot can do that. However the main reason I didn't think about anything deep is that I had a difficult weekend and then that was followed by a difficult session with my therapist. I snapped at her, I was frustrated with some of the things she was discussing. When she started comparing my possibly life long trail she compared it to school I snapped. I became too frustrated to sit quietly. I may have been too harsh. Then the day before I had a emotional breakdown at church in front of the congregation. My seat put me in good view of all and my sniffling was easily heard. If anyone in my ward read this, sorry. Any way I am so fed up with convincing myself everyday life is worth it. Now after my public water work display and taking my frustration out on my counselor I didn't want to think about anything related to emotion. So I thought about how cool it would be to have Matt Damon or Brad Pitt's body by the MCAT. However with my fat percentage of 20 it is near impossible or better stated improbable. So then I thought how cool would it be if my arms gained another inch and my fat percentage decreased into the healthy range. Since I am taking the MCAT in Michigan I thought it would be cool to be able to bench press my sister... or my brother in law. I'm sure they wouldn't go for it. So after day dreaming about how cool it would be to have a good physique my run ended So today my thoughts were turned vain. Oh well...

A Focus to inspire me to blog more...

So I know I haven't been blogging much lately but I want to change that. I also want to be more regular about my running. So I decided to make my blog more of a running blog. I'm excited to start this. My runs are the time when I meditate the most. Running is for me is a major stress reliever and I use is to medicate my depression. My runs warrant some of the best meditating I ever do. So starting tomorrow I plan on starting telling the world... or those who happen to read my blog about my run. I'll start with the stats of my run then move on to good stuff. I'll talk about the things I thought about during my run and insights I gain. I hope you guys enjoy, and hopefully I'll be consistent. So check back tomorrow to see my stats, read my thoughts or don't.

I'm Back...

It has been for ever since I have blogged. I friend reminded that I had one and realized I need to do some blogging. Any way things have been intense these few months. School is coming to an end and getting very hard. Even though it has gotten harder it has become more interesting. Looking back at my college career, which is longer than most, I realize I have learned way more than how to synthesize banana oil or be able to analyze a persons stride. My college career have been the hardest years of my life. I have and still am battling depression in an extremely competitive environment on top of the normal strains of college life. I just hope the stars will align in my favor and I will be able to fulfill my educational and professional goals.

Death-right

you'll die young if you live so carefully / there
are risks you must take to pay this world / I
know it would never be that easy / I have not yet
earned the right to die / I want you to hear me
screaming / I want you to notice what goes on /
temptation and evil demons crawling the earth
hiding in every corner



I've seen men crippled in anger / the sun burns
alive in silence / I've seen men wallow in fear /
inaction acts as a blade across the throat / I'll
learn how to make decisions / I'll stick by my
word - won't let you down / I swear by the grave
that's calling / nothing will stop me from doing
what must be done



something here is still innocent / It doesn't
matter if you decide not to believe it / There
are still places where the magic can breathe / I
want to breathe it in / I want to lay down and
never leave



we're stalking the ancient mariner / through
waters he takes his lonely course / once powerful
once beautiful / extinction lingering these things
are no more / I love you I'll never leave you /
though I may be gone for years on end / I will
never be separate / lovers through the lives
before and after



something here is still innocent / It doesn't
matter if you decide not to believe it / There
are still places where the magic can breathe / I
want to breathe it in / I want to lay down and
never leave