My Hills Episode

So its been way to damn long since I have blogged. I wasn't going to tonight but I was really tired. So why the hell not I have a lot to say tonight. So first I'll update you a bit. So my brother came to visit! Yay! I loved it. The funny thing is we really didn't do that much we just hung out, but I hung out with my brother. I don't really need to do much else. We did go country dancing and snow shoeing though and it was a blast and an adventure at the same time. It was so sad to see him go.

I felt my self getting sick just before he left. It wasn't a OMG I have to throw up sick it was a I think I am getting a fever:(. So I was sick all weekend and still am a little sick. I think I have a minor respiratory infection. The symptoms are there. As the day went on I started to feel a lot better and could breathe much better as well. However my fever did get up to 102.5 degrees.

It was awful being sick! I think that this stupid virus/infection is taking longer for me to get over because of the emotional damage that I have endured. First my brother left. Although it was hard to see my brother go I know we'll be together again soon. The real kick in the ass was loosing a friend. I moved in with a good friend of mine to my penthouse suite in Lanai. It drastically turned for the worst. No we are just roommates trying to get through the time we have to live together. I got know Bryce in his true state. I thought I really got to know him especially because of situations we have been in, but I think that was only one very small fraction. That small fraction helped me to relate to him a lot. He seemed to be a guy that was just wanting to be loved and cared about.

Well since moving in with him this school year I have been exposed to Bryce a lot more. I started to question Bryce by some of the comments he would make. My questioning started before we even moved in together, but I just brushed them aside. When we moved in together I started to notice inconsistencies in his stories and actions. Then he told me some hurtful things. We worked it out a month or two later. We decided that it was just miscommunication. So I went back to proactively being his friend again, but he didn't. Then I realized he was never really proactive with being my friend he was just more like someone who just hung out with me so he wouldn't be lonely. I began to question him more and more. I started to realize that maybe Bryce was only my friend because it was easy him. I was inviting him over to do stuff all the time and spotting him left and right. I was certainly befriending him but he didn't seem to do the same for me.

Our friendship was slaughtered after many attempts I made for us to understand each other. It just turned into me trying to communicate why I was feeling the way I did and him accusing me of starting a fault war. After me loosing my cool and putting most of my belongings in my room or locking them up so he (nor my other two roommates) could use my things we decided to just have a civil relationship.

One theory I have that may have caused the end of our friendship is he can't seem to recognize that many people are trying and have been trying to be his friend but he isn't being their friend. I tried really hard. Even when things got ugly I swallowed my pride and tried hard to befriend him. He recognizes the gestures but fails to return gestures. He tells me that he is bad at being the one to extend invitations and so forth, but he can't use that as an excuse. Ultimately just do it, you can't expect to be a doctor or dentist or chemist with out putting in the work. Relationships can't survive if they are one sided. It seems to me that Bryce is blinded to the opportunities he has to have good, close friends.

That is what I think was what killed our relationship. I was tired of being the one who was serving him, extending invitations, and engaging conversation. He wasn't the best at engaging conversation but still not good at it. He would often try to talk to me during my favorite TV shows like 24 and Scrubs. I hate that especially in 24. Along with me doing the work in the relationship his stories seemed to become more and more inconsistent. I started feel more like his maid then his roommate and lets not forget him telling me that I was demanding because I like a clean home and did the work to keep it that way.

I wish it didn't happen this way but it did and its his loss. I know that I am not perfect and I certainly brought errors to our friendship but ultimately I worked at it and he didn't. I can't force him to work through the difficult situations that we encountered, the difficult situations that all relationships eventually encounter.