If You Just Hold in Your Breath Till You Thought it Through You Foolish Child.

Last night there was a forum put on by the Provo peace forum about homosexuality and the church.  A question was asked about how our straight allies can help make the church experience more comfortable for us gays.  I didn't answer partly because a ton of people wanted to answer, but mostly I was not in an emotional state to be able to be the center of attention.  I still want to answer it though, to the best of my ability.

First being trying to put yourself in a gay person's shoes.  That might help you understand what comments and actions hurt.  Generating empathy within yourselves in any situations makes it harder to judge others.  In turn helps us to think more about what we say about others or a group of people.

To be more specific please refrain from comparing homosexuality to any other situation.  I am defining situation as a sin, trial, complication, struggle, etc.  It leaves too much room for hurt on our behalf.  Even the ones like single sisters are asked to remain celibate so we should too.  I understand that it might seem like a fair comparison and it wasn't meant to hurt.  The truth is its painful for me in the right context.  To me it shows the a lack of understanding.  The important difference is hope, a single sister can always have hope that it can happen.  A gay man like myself doesn't have such hope because it is forbidden.  If you must compare us to another situation please also contrast by pointing out the differences.

My pain is partially self inflicted.  By self inflicted I mean its in my head most of the time.  I am extra sensitive to other people.  I sometimes read too much into what a person says, how they say it, and what their actions are expressing.  It could be because of the church, my father, peers or many other variables that have contributed to my toxic shame.  I need my space from potential situations that cause me pain.  That is why I have chosen to not wear my garments, I have chosen to only attend sacrament, remove myself from BYU housing and more.

I am not trying to change some else's stance on homosexuality in a moral sense.  However I do want to change a person's stance politically.  I want to change the way person views and treats those of us who do not fit into the church's model, whether the person in question wants to fit or not.

Maybe its offensive to say that I want to change another person but relax I can't.  I don't know of a person who can.  Its up to the individual to make the changes.  I can help facilitate the change, but ultimately it is up to the individual.

Song: Genius Next Door-Regina Spektor