This is Fact not Fiction

Today is national coming out day. I thought about coming out on Facebook. Then I realized that the reason I don't use the phrase "I'm gay," or any other combination of words that define my sexuality, in my introduction is I want my sexual orientation be a part of my identity, not the defining factor. Coming out experiences often lead to using sexual orientation as the dominate identifier when pointing out or describing an individual.

I don't want to hide my sexuality, even though I do sometimes. I hide it because of worry. I worry that my relationships with others will change in an undesirable way. I worry about the thoughts that go through people's head when they find out. I worry about people trying to "help" by telling me about some article about homosexuality from the brethren. My pronouncement is a quote from a personal archived mental newspaper, not the latest headline. My worry of being kicked out of school or my apartment may seem irrational. In fact all of my worries may seem irrational. The truth is they come from learning about other's experiences or previous personal ones. So my worries have validity.

I want to be defined by my interets, likes and dislikes, abilities (even though they are few), personality, and any other aspect of my life. * Warning the next few sentences will be cliche, I'm sure you've heard it before.* If I were straight I wouldn't be defined by my sexuality, but since I'm gay some use it as the identifier. I have said it before, I want to be known as Mark May, not the gay guy in the ward (or whatever group I am associated with). I am not a stereotype and don't want to be treated as one. The LGBT community is just as diverse as the straight community. I don't like Glee, Lady Gaga, or project runway. I do not like Halloween as stated in a recent Facebook post. However, I have been described as domestic. I dress some of my sisters and am often the source of fashion advice. One of my favorite movie categories is "Drama." So I do fit some of the stereotypes, but not all.

I realize that the existence of this post contradicts the message. I have pronounced my sexuality in the post and dedicated precious minutes of sleep to discuss it. The sacrifice of sleep speaks volumes. However talking about being gay is what makes it into a non issue. The familiarity of something tends to conjure up apathetic sentiments. So I will post this and once again say, I prefer kissing dudes, therefore, I'm gay.