Little Wet Tears On Your Baby's Shoulder

Its late and I should be sleeping, but I really wanted to write this while my emotions were raw to promote more honesty. I just finished the TV show Parenthood, one of my favorites. When I watch it I like to watch it alone, or with someone I trust. That's kind of a weird requirement of mine, but I have good reasons. Parenthood is a drama about a family and the interactions as life happens. I get emotional just about every episode.

My emotional intensity varies depending on my company. When I am around people I only know on a superficial level my emotionality is held back. When I am alone I feel safe, thats when the most intense emotion is expressed. For example, tonight I was teary eyed most of the episode. The tears came for different reasons, out of pain, envy, sadness, and even pride. I'll even cry at the Office or Parks and Recreation. The genre I am currently viewing isn't as much as factor in determining my emotionality as one would guess. Content and company play much bigger role.

When the content is focused on families, compassion, emotional intimacy, and/or emotional pain I become emotional. However company plays a bigger role. Society has really conditioned me to hid the sensitive side of me. Since I'm gay the stereotype suggests that I should be more emotional. Its a good thing I am not a stereotype.

I like to watch shows that get me emotional by myself because its a form of coping. I allow my self to relate to the characters, feel their emotion. In feeling their emotion I consequently feel mine. Since I am such an introverted person when it comes to negative emotion, I need an outlet to feel. TV shows like Parenthood is another cathartic experience other than music.

I say adieu, the gabapentin has set in. It supposed to help with pain as well. Its too bad that it doesn't help with the frontal lobe pain that is way too frequent. I hope I will be capable of having a relationship with a guy that I can star in my own version of parenthood.