My Mental Movie Theatre Only Plays Dramas

So I haven't had the best dreams in my life. I still have some of the same nightmares over again. However their is something that has always been in my dreams. First they are all in black, white and red. Also I die at the end of all of them. Not only would I die but I could sometimes feel the bullets or knife piercing my skin. This has been the pattern ever since I can remember. Most of the dreams didn't bother me for whatever reason. However the ones that keep coming back must have because I always remember them and always will. This pattern changed on my mission I started to dream in color. The color was weird at first. Kind of like when watch an old black and white movie that has been digitally enhanced with color. Then I stopped dying at the end of the dreams. My dreams continued to be weird however I stopped dying and saw other colors than black, white, and red.
About a one and half years ago my dreams started to be so emotionally draining that I never slept well at night. My dreams were so frustrating for me that when I woke in the morning I would be depressed and frustrated. Luckily my nightmares are not so frequent anymore.
Now I have gone back to old ways. Color has left my sleep and only see different shades of gray. I don't always die in my dreams anymore. When I do die in my dreams it isn't another person who does the killing, its me.
Maybe it was me all along killing myself. Who knows. What I do know is I have to keep my dreams as dreams and not let them become reality. That is a daunting task.