So I was thinking about the tradition of asking the father for his daughter's hand in marriage. Many of you know I hate that tradition. I think that it is demeaning to me and my future wife. Our decision to get married has nothing to do with her father. I know it's tradition but there are a lot of traditions not worth keeping.
If this tradition was important to my future spouse I would do it. I wouldn't like it but I'd do it. I came up with a way for me to feel a little better if such an occasion. I will require my future spouse to ask my mom if she can marry me. If I have to do a useless exercise so will she. I say useless not because I don't think my mom will have a hard time "giving me up," or that I don't care what she thinks. Its useless because I know my mom respects and trusts my decisions. Therefore if i have to ask so does she.
Well, you know me and my independent ways. I have a hard time with my dad and in a lot of ways question how much I like him being my dad, but I had Brian ask out of respect of the role he's had in my life. Every dad wants that minute or two to reflect over the life of their daughter and see the man that is going to be taking care of her for the rest of their lives in a very humble manner. Now, my dad would have never said no to Brian and Brian's mom was more than happy to welcome in another girl into the family, so your idea is not repugnant to me. But it's good to not start off on the wrong foot with your future father-in-law. My dad was overwhelmed not just because I was getting married, but also it just showed that Brian was marrying me and accepting my family as an extension of his own. He was also asking if he was going to be welcomed into the family with open arms.
ReplyDeleteI don't know, but it's not something that felt slighting to myself. It showed me that he had the humility to not just assume he was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. It also showed a lot of love and respect for the feelings of my family, which meant a lot to me. Obviously it doesn't matter if he refuses because, like you said, it's not about him. But it is a lot about showing respect. Plus it's a great bonding experience.
I like the tradition, but I wouldn't think anything of having both future wife and future husband having to ask future in-laws to marry their son or daughter. It's fair. But yeah, I guess I did always feel strongly that I wanted my family to love or at least like who I was going to marry beforehand. In my family, it's not asking the dad--my mom and dad both took David to get ice cream and talked to him. I think it was a great opportunity for them to get to know him--not grill him, really, since it was a done deal.
ReplyDeletep.s. You're a stinker! Your description under your picture and your picture at the top/w description are so very inaccurate. Mark May no friends? One of the friendliest guys within thirty miles? Puh-lease. And aging? Brotha. Like our good friend Alliyah once said, "Age ain't nothin' but a numba'."
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