This morning when I woke up I was homicidal. As most of you know and not unique to myself, I hate mornings. Ask Misty... Mary... Tommy... Mat... anyone I've lived with. Thinks did not go my way so naturally I was pouty. As the day went on I worked to get myself into a better mood. I succeeded. Then a co worker of mine told me to never get married after complaining about going dress shopping with his wife. I replied with my usual response. "I can't, its illegal."
A couple things bothered me about my response the first being that it is ilegal. The second was that my response, while funny and sad, was pointing out my sexuality. I noticed that it comes up a lot for me, especially in jokes. A good friend and co worker of mine asked me if I was going to be one of those gays that through their sexuality in everyones face. I reassured him that was not my style. While It wasn't then, it is now apparently.
I feel bad always bringing it up to people, talking excessively about my boyfriend. It's not like I consciously work it into conversations, I am merely conversing. I have though about why I have become the gay that talks about being gay. I have a few hypothesis to why that is.
Being gay is huge part of my life, especially right now. I've only been out for a one and half years. I only have been comfortable with my sexuality for 6 months. Its on my mind a lot not just because it's new but also because it comes with complications. These complications make it something very conscious in my mind. For example, people are on a spectrum of acceptance. The demographic causes the population to lean to the less pleasurable side of that spectrum. Then there is the fact that LGBTQ individuals are not legally protected and denied rights and privileges. I have to worry about how people take it. I have to be sensitive to others about what I can and can not do infront of them. Before you say that its no different than your heterosexual relationship... STOP. It is not, I will not go into detail... but trust me it is not the same.
Then there is the fact that the default sexuality is heterosexuality... which means people automatically assume you are heterosexual. I have learned to love this aspect of myself. I won't say I wouldn't have it any other way... because that is stupid. We always take the easy way when we have the choice. Any way I was born with this sexuality and learned to love being gay. After years of hating my sexual orientation I am able to not just love it, but also experience it.
I tend to talk about things I care about. Sue me, but you'll loose. We live in a heterosexual world (and right handed ;) world. So if it feels like the gays are being overbearing with our sexuality. Ask yourself what it'd be like if you where in our situation. We are abnormal, statistically therefore we are noticed. Heterosexuality is the opposite. Tell me what you think? Should I be more apologetic? What is your hypothetical story if you were in my situation? Please comment.
You're great, Mark!
ReplyDeleteJust a couple of thoughts. I can't put myself in your situation, but I'm a statistical minority in other ways. I hate being labeled for being "The ______ Guy", but sometimes I think I bring it on myself, too.
The way I see it, nobody likes the gay person that makes everything around them about being gay. From my perspective, it's no different than the person on Facebook that constantly posts about their spouse, or their dog, or politics, or their depression. It isn't fun being around the person that always plays the same piano note over and over and over again as if it should be music to everyone's ears, even though nobody hears it quite like that person does. Even if they do appreciate the beauty of it, nobody wants to hear a broken record. Nobody wants a one-dimensional friend.
Being a racial minority, I hate it when people try and corner me and make my identity based on a stereotype or one thing about me. I have to be ultra-conscious to not let them - and, more importantly, to not give them a reason to. I'm more than "The ____ Guy".