He Reminded Me the Only Way to Keep Aliens from Reading Your Mind

This is a message I received a while back, I thought you guys would be interested in reading the message and my response.

Mark~

I appreciate your comments and would like to offer a suggestion. If, as you say, you would like to "down the straight pill" that would remove same-sex attraction, consider visiting Jan Graf of Graf Stress Management (St. George, UT) or me, Elizabeth Richardson (Rockville, MD). I have written about the technique we use on my website (MindBodyStressMgmt.com) although I don't specifically address its use with homosexuality there. However, I'd be happy to discuss it with you if you get in touch with me.

People divide into two camps on homosexuality: it's either a condition of birth or a choice. From what I see, neither is correct. My perspective is that when we're under extreme stress (and with homosexuality, that stress was often molestation), we become vulnerable to being bothered by negative entities (what the scriptures refer to as devils and evil spirits, the latter being disembodied spirits of those who once lived on earth as we do now but linger here rather than continuing to progress for a variety of reasons) who can actually get in us as "squatters" or "poachers," if you will.

As stated in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, spirits have gender. When they gain access to us, they then can express feelings and opinions which sound to us as though they're our own -- even complete with corresponding physical symptoms -- but which really are not ours. Get a female spirit into a male body and you have someone who feels like 'a woman trapped in a man's body,' a common statement made by gays. The female spirit occupying space in the man's body is still naturally attracted to males and expresses this preference, but to the world (including the man whose body she's occupying) it appears to be a man attracted to another man. I know it sounds weird in our scientific age, where we prefer to believe in chemical imbalances and gender identity issues and so forth, but I have seen this borne out again and again.

Graf Stress Management works quickly and efficiently with this problem, but ONLY when the client wants to address it. As with anything else in life, individual agency is the bedrock principle.

Frankly, I'd welcome a chance to talk this over with you or anyone else. My biggest frustrations is that this simple, gospel-based solution is not widely known. Instead, there is the constant back-and-forth hostility between two completely false (and insoluble) options, that homosexuality is a choice vs. that it's an accident of birth.

Regards,

Elizabeth Cardon Richardson

Thank you for reaching out to me through that blog. I apologize for taking so long I get back to you. Your post was not published but Kathryn shared it with me. I admit when I first read your post I was ready to fight. As I have let my reactionary emotions subside I was able to hear the love you undoubtedly are expressing.

While I know you are offering help I respectfully decline. I would like to offer my perspective however, and discuss some of the points you make that are at least inaccurate for my experience but likely for many.

The first being my desire for the straight pill. The desire is weakening and only exists because of desperation for my father's approval. Being straight would allow me to marry the way he expects me to marry. Also life as a straight man is generally easier than life as a gay man.

The second point being the notion that a gay man is a woman trapped in a man's body. This is often offensive to gay men. A woman trapped in a man's body is better defined as transgender. While I trust that gay men have described this to explain their gay  experience, I'd argue that it often is misunderstood. The gay men I associate with do not feel like a woman but some use this expression to describe their effeminate qualities. In fact a lot of gay men are insecure about others seeing them as women, because we are clearly men (transgender woman my biologically be a man but consider themselves women trapped in a man's body). I hope the Distinction makes  sense.

This leads me to your explanation that reminds me of Scientology, that people under stress are possessed by squatters. While I admit I am skeptical of this hypothesis, I recognize I don't know everything and this maybe the case. My experience would support the theory that my sexuality is innate and natural. As I have become more accepting of my sexuality I have gained more peace. Stress in my life have been decreasing, I am less worried about being perfect and more worried about improving myself. I believe that the new authenticity I am expressing is the cause for decreased stress.

I would never actively stop any persons who would like to use the Garf method. If a person is benefited from thus program than I support them. Like you stated the participant must believe it'll work. I go not believe my sexuality will change or should change. I feel my work is to now rid my mind of the toxic shame that has been my motivation in life.

I want to express my gratitude to you again for reaching out to me. It was very kind to do so. I hope you have not taken offense to my objections but see them as me reaching out to you to create better understanding of gay men.

Thank You

We are Stronger Than Before the Strain Had Broken Us and There is Fight in Us I Know

I just got home from church and don't have much time before the Echol's arrive for dinner. However I feel the need to share my experience today at church.  I wish I could be boosting of an experience that Zach shared moments ago on the USGA page.  I am struggling to keep understanding and empathy in mind when I think of my church experience today.

During sacrament meeting a talk was given, and well spoken I might add.  However, erred on the judgmental and imposed definitions side.  This brother spoke about being a liberal vs conservative latter day saint.  He was not speaking of political liberalism or conservatism, but more in the interpretation of the practice of mormonism.  He spoke of liberal mormons intelectualize their reasons for following the church's teaching, where conservative follower only need faith to obey.  His talk mirrored the rhetoric that you can not be a "cafeteria Mormon," a true follower of the religion accepts all or nothing.  I actively changed my thoughts to judging this man to trying to see the good in his message and understand the principles that resonate with me.

After his talk I went out to use the restroom and a sister stopped to talk to me.  She had recognized me from the video.  It was so sweet of her to not only talk with me.  She left the room because of the talk.  She was offended by the his comments about proposition 8.  After I went back in to listen to the other speakers, their message focused more on love and becoming Christlike.  They resonated with me and gave reason to continue to attend the remainder of the meetings.

In sunday school, proposition 8 was brought up again.  The message of not supporting the amendment was going against the Prophet and a sign of apostasy.  The rhetoric changed to being unified in all aspects of the church with the Prophet was equivalent to being unified with God.  I again fought the urge to judge, stand up and leave.  Luckily the same girl and others started to direct the conversation away to a message that was less offensive about agency and love.

Elder's quorum just isn't Elder's quorum with out a discussion of home teaching in the opening exercises.  This week was the week that they passed out the new assignments.  The Elder's quorum president who not only has a profession similar to that of Jason Bourne and hot, has the task of helping me not hate the popo.  Back to home teaching. The Elder's quorum president told us that accepting this slip of paper was a commitment to fulfill the home teaching assignment and if we did not want to accept the commitment we were to give it back at the end of church.  I had decided a while ago that home teaching was not a way that I would participate with in the church, even though I did my final semester in the Lanai ward (only because I respect and fully supported my companion and roommate). I had to disappoint this good looking man by declining the offer.

My heart was already hurting when I attended and am considerably more sensitive to these experiences due to a conversation with my niece.  She told me even though she loved and supported me, she didn't like my decision to date men.  While I respect her decision to conform the conclusions she wishes, it still hurts to not have the validation.  The statement may or may not be a reflection of her parents feelings and conclusions.  I was in no way surprised and tried my best to prepare.  The preparation probably helped but didn't prevent the hurt (if you are reading this my beloved niece, please do not worry about hurting me, I know you love me regardless, I prefer honesty to silence). I then proceeded to break an important rule, I drank while sad.  Now I have to live with the previously prescribed self inflicted consequences.

These experiences this weekend are in contrast of last weekend and a reminder of why a productive conversations is necessary.  I don't think that these people who have had a negative impact on me are evil, bad or intentionally did so.  I do believe there is room for more understanding of each other.  I hope that I can continue to push through my own insecurities and pain to be apart of the change.

Shake it, Shake it Baby, Shake Your Ass Out on the Street

Pride weekend was fun, emotional, and arousing. (winking emoticon)

USGA received a courage award for the 'It Gets Better' video. As they introduced us they showed the last little bit of the video.  The emotions started.  We were invited on stage and Nathan was given the award. Again I got emotional. The support and love from the crowd was unexpected.  I looked out into the crowd and it hit me how far I've come.  A year ago I was at home binging on food and television.  That weekend my roommates were out of town.  I had just come out, or started coming out.  On that stage not only was I very much out, I was happy about it.

Sunday I joined the Mormon Building Bridges in marching in the parade.  Even though I was exhausted from all the partying the two previous days, I was full of energy.  A couple of my straight friends marched with with me, I was greeted by my USGA crew, and the turn out was incredible.  All of those people was energizing.  What really pumped me up was the crowd.  They were so loving and thankful.  I realize the crowd's love and gratitude were directed to the straight marchers. It meant a lot to me to see the crowd so welcome of these Mormon allies.  Many have been hurt deeply by the church and/or its members, including myself.  I can not imagine a happy life with out the two identities being at odds with each other.  The two communities have hurt and fought each other for years.  I am seeing the healing begin between the two parties.  That healing is helping me heal.

I have to once again thank Kendall.  I'm sure he is annoyed with my praise, I borderline worship him.  While I realize that he is not the only force behind the change that is occurring, it appears to me that he is the leader of it.  As far as I am considered Kendall Wilcox is the Gay Mormon.  Kendall has been key on making USGA what it is today through his guidance and leadership.  Kendall was also a major reason Erika's plan to march in the parade was such a huge success.  He is and continues to inspire people to make this world better, through his Far Between project and encouragement.

Now that I have successfully created a literary shrine for Kendall I can talk about the results.  Mormons and the LGBT community are speaking with each other and abandoning talking at each other.  This change in conversation is healing, brings understanding, and love.  I am so grateful I get to witness this process, I have been apart of it.

I have a strengthened hope for the awkwardness among family members and friends to end.  I new hope that all of my family will love and accept my future husband (assuming I can catch one). Maybe my dream of living next door to my brothers can still exist, even with one less sister in law and an additional brother in law. My children can be accepted the same as the birthers in the family.  The probability of a natural death in my future has increased significantly.

I Found a Wallet

This weekend all of my siblings, with exception of a very pregnant sister and a sister living on a different continent, surprised our mom for my parent's 40th anniversary.  It is amazing that my parents have lasted that long. It was so good to be with my siblings with out their kids, well mostly.  The young babies came. We basically had a slumber party every night.  All my mom ever wanted to be was a mom, so her kids being there was a treat for her.

While celebrating my parent's marriage was the purpose of the trip, I gained some significant insight.  The final evening we sat outside asking our parents questions.  It was during this interaction that I was able to see my father as a person who fell in love.  Previously my dad as a tyrant was only way I viewed him.  I learned about my parents courtship, I learned about grandpa Bleily's thoughts of him and awkward dating moments.  The biggest impact is learning details that brought them together.

This new insight is helping me be more compassionate toward my father, which in turn is helping me understand him.  This new understanding is making the empathy I have been trying to feel for him be more honest.  Understanding one another really is precursor for empathy.

I am thankful for the opportunity I had this past weekend to get to know my parent's as two people who fell in love.  While its still uncomfortable for me to say my parent fell in love, I am glad to know they really did.  My parents are more than parents to me and I need to know that.  Hopefully as time goes on I will be able to learn more about what makes my father human. Maybe then I can learn to forgive the past.

This experience reminds me of a song by Regina Spektor called 'Wallet.' This song talks about a person's wallet and describes what she learns about him.  We just don't know the whole that makes up a person.  We can speculate but not much more.  Thus teaching me once again I am in no place to judge another person. However, I can put my place in a position to love.

Is It Hard Understanding I'm Incomplete

The following is a comment I posted in response to another commet by the writer who responded to my previous comment.  Hopefully you followed that.  I felt like this comment is helpful to understand me and my view a little better.

My disagreement lies with the tone of that post and the previous one.  Both seem to dictate to reader what will make it better for an individual.  The ambiguity does not only allow the message to be heard to mormons and non-mormons or mormons who have opted out of celibacy.  Ambiguity provides a platform for the intended viewers to decide how it can get better in their lives.  The self empowerment can help an individual who has been told how he or she should live to break free and think for him or herself. That is something that is important for the good mormon boys and girls to do, or at least in my opinion.  Like you said in this post there are people who don't really fit into the path the church gives and the church doesn't offer real solutions for them.  So the individual has to look at their path more meticulously to know how to govern their lives, if they want to stay connected with the church.  


The reasons you state that it gets better seem too conclusive and simple.  Leaving the church isn't always easy.  As a person who grew up LDS, being LDS is apart of my identity.  Also there are many doctrines that I personally feel are true with in the church, as well as events pertaining to the church's creation.  Because the church teaches once you have a testimony of one then you have a testimony of all, it makes it hard to go against the current policies.  What makes it better for an individual with in the church who wants to stay with in the church is very complex.  For me personally making it better not only involves my relationship with the church, but relationships with my family. While I need to learn and am learning how to better "tune out the haters," I also want to help specific haters change from that hate.  The haters I want to change are within my family and close friends.  I am not going to push my parents or immediate family out of my life willingly.  I want to help them understand me so that they can better love me as opposed to "hate this part of me."  As for the church, I want the same general understanding of love to our community.  So that the LGBT mormon community doesn't have this dichotomy of being gay and being mormon.  I personally can not see myself being happy without both.


I questioned the reasoning of being apart of the project more than once.  Kendall told me I was just keeping it real.  I didn't understand the wisdom of my involvement at the time.  In fact I didn't want to do it.  For some reason I decided to.  Yes I was depressing and there wasn't much hope in my voice. I see the wisdom of my message with the others.  There is the more obvious reasoning that I would be more relatable to the struggling teen or that I grab the attention of the viewer so it doesn't become just another 'It Gets Better' video.  I think that my involvement sends the message to the young person contemplating suicide that maybe for now you just have to trust the ones you love and that love you.  That is what I have decided to do, trust the ones that I love me.  


As I have been able to do that, things have gotten better for me.  While I don't feel like things are going well enough to make the grand statement 'It Gets Better.'  I am able to say that I have hope that it will get better.  Since I have been shedding off the facade I created to hide myself, it comes increasingly hard to be anything but authentic.  I've lied to myself and others for so long about not only my sexuality, but pain and dispair I felt through the years.  And a big part of what will make it better for me is rid myself of this toxic shame I developed of years of reenforcement of the idea that I am less than human.  Until I can significantly decrease that type of shame things will continue as they have been.  For now I will continue to work to make it better for myself so that I can not only enjoy my life, but to help the poor souls like me make it better for themselves.  


I am thankful for evolvement in this 'It Gets Better Project,' and the Kendall's Far Between project.  I am thankful that I have gotten to know Kendall and been able to discuss with him.  This project and learning from Kendall has really helped me to think like a person who wants to make it better as opposed to a person I pitied.  It has given me more purpose to my life and drive to make my life better.  And I can not thank Kendall without thanking my sister, Misty, the one who originally thought I was more likely to molest my children.  If it weren't for her dedication to helping me through this depressive episode we wouldn't have changed each other.  She no longer believes as a gay man that I am more likely to molest children.  I know believe that someone can love me in spite of my sexuality. That is why I believe in Kendall's project.  It was through understanding each other that we were able to change and understanding doesn't come without an honest, respectful dialogue.

Here are links, first being the blog I posted the comment, the other to the Far Between website:

What every faithful, same-sex attracted member of the church must know.

Far Between

Title song: Artist - My Chemical Romance; Song - Famous Last Words

At Every Occasion, I'll Be Ready For the Funeral

Graduation weekend is over.  The weekend was full of happiness and dispair.  It was great to see my family, for them to see where I have been the past few years.  In our family most visit the married people its nice that this single fella gets a visit.

It was nice to actually graduate, it has been a long difficult road.  It was nice to put on my resume, under education a bachelors degree.  It was nice that so many of my family came to show their support and excitement that I graduated. I liked showing my family my life in Utah and my campus, where I spent many, many hours.  It was nice to for my department chair to hug me when I received my diploma.  I enjoyed cooking for everyone.  I was glad that Ashley got to meet a lot of my family.  I loved running into Ed and sitting with him at the commencement.  Over all the weekend was a success.

On to the despair.  At the commencement I ran into a previous roommate and the greeting was awkward and different than normal.  We had shared many intimate emotional moments and had become good friends.  Previous encounters had been a little weird and thought he had caught wind about my sexuality.  This time instead of the usual hug he offered his hand.  If he doesn't want a hug I'm perfectly OK with that,  in fact I am rarely the initiator of hugs with straight guys.  I think the reasoning is clear.  However a handshake felt more of a way to prevent a hug.  Which implies he is uncomfortable with my sexuality.  I felt rejected.

Then I heard a group say "He's that guy in the video." So then I got really self conscience and insecure.  To add to my insecurity and self conscience as we were walking into the Marriott center we passed by the Deans, administrators and Elder Oaks.  I felt someone staring at me so I turned to look, it was Elder Oaks.  He is not one to smile much and his stern face was not comforting.  I nodded and turned away.  Then I wondered if he saw the video, and what did he think of it?

Once I was in Marriott center my mind went to probably my biggest fear, rejection.  I proceed to feel rejected from my Alma Matter, my religion, my friends, and the worst my family.  Even though I have been at BYU for an obscene amount of years I felt rejected by the community.  I don't fit one of the biggest parts of the culture, I am not dating or trying to get married.  The worst is I feel like I have to hide my sexuality to avoid awkward and painful experiences.  The secrecy only perpetuates the shame.

Rejection is what consumes my nightmares.  When I say nightmares, I speaking in the literal sense.  Because I have not been able to accept myself, I rely on the acceptance of others.  While this is not an ideal way to live, at least I'm still living.  Or at least that's what people tell me.  While I hope that I will get a better job, related to my studies and interests will bring more happiness, I hope that I will be able to accept myself.  The acceptance of my self needs to be all inclusive, it needs to include my flaws and talents.  When I honestly believe that I have an inherit worth all the circumstances in my life will become circumstances I experience, instead of devastating blows.

Over all the weekend was a success, despite the awkward moments with my parents and other tense moments with my father.  Family events, seeing friends I haven't seen or talked to in a while always is stressful for me.  I feel like I have to prove myself to them. Show them that I'm doing better, improving.  Because I am never improving fast enough, or feel good enough the title song always comes to mind.  Here is a link to the song, enjoy.


 Title Song - The Funeral; Artist - Band of Horses

Winding In and Winding Out, the Shine of it Has Caught My Eye

The 'It gets better' video was released over a week ago now.  I was shocked at the response.  It went viral here in Utah.  The out pouring of love and support has been great and even over whelming at times.  I am glad that I went way out of my comfort zone and participated.  Not because of all love and compassion that has been directed in my way, but because my mormon community needs a reality check.

The pain that I have experience and continue to experience is horrific.  Thankfully the frequency has decreased.  However as time goes on my desire and energy it takes to make it through decrease and thus making the episodes more intense.  So I still can't say it gets better, but I can say that it can get better.  Unfortunately the "getting better" is not entirely in my control.  This trial and error process of learning to properly handle my emotion and pain is long and strenuous.  Like I've said in the past and continue to say, I can not promise a natural death.

To give you a little more hope, I am working hard to make it better for myself.  I think that my family and previous therapist can confirm my efforts.  It bugs me that I still have intense depressive episodes.  Especially after the out pouring of love I have been receiving.  I have some theories as to why, but another post.

So to those people who have fire-hosed me with compassion and love, thank you.  I want to make things better for everyone and especially the mormon LGBT community.  Although, the painful experience have helped me become a better person, I want to lesson the burden on the future gays.  There will always be something new to that creates the same pain, but knowing that I can help prevent that pain due to homosexuality gives me energy to work harder at dying from natural causes.

Title: Song-Vindicated; Artist-Dashboard Confessional